Ep. CX: 'A Very Cool Christmas, Vol. 2' - Various Artists

Hey gang, welcome back - pour yourself a Christmas cocktail and join me for a double-length spin around the yuletide turntable . . .

Album Title:  A Very Cool Christmas, Vol. 2

Album Artist:  Various Artists

I picked this one up on Amazon a couple months ago when it dropped down to, oh, $20 or so. That's a lot to spend on a Holiday album for sure (for me, at least), but considering this originally retailed for, like, $40 - and knowing that the producers of this series generally put together pretty stellar compilations - I decided to pull the trigger on it. Plus, with a whopping 32 tracks on it, it's well worth the money.

I'm kinda kicking myself I didn't pick up Volume 3 when it was at a similar price point, as that one's currently listed at almost $50 (but you can rest assured I'm keeping my eye on it.)

You may recall that I've already reviewed Volume I, back in 2019, and that release scored a solid '8' on my rating scale.  Similarly, this album is also a double-LP, pressed on matching gold-colored vinyl instead of the previous volume's red and green records. Like its predecessor, the album is divided into two, distinctive sections: the first record, 'Rockin',' is a mix of rock, indie, blues, and country (seriously), while the second 'Groovin''' record is comprised of soul, funk, and classic R&B.

Note: I have #908 of the Limited Edition Numbered variant. 

The first record doesn't have the highs and lows of Volume I; the songs here are more middle-of-the-road. While there aren't a lot of songs that completely knock it out of the park, there's no out-right stinkers, either (no bizarre French cha-cha'ing this time around, thank Christ.) Canned Heat's 'Christmas Blues,' Weezer's 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas,' and Chuck Berry's 'Run Rudolph Run' are all heavy-hitters on many of my Holiday playlists, and all make appearances on this first record. Sadly, so does Bob Dylan's polka-fied 'Must Be Santa,' which, judging by his voice, he recorded in his eighties (I love Bob Dylan as much as the next guy, but this Christmas song - which gets way more attention than it should - is downright grating.)

Could have also done without Harry Nilson's 'Remember' on this album, as its far from 'Rockin'' - plays like a soft-rock ballad. If it had made an appearance on a Holiday album with that kind of sound, I may have not batted an eyelash, but it feels ridiculously out of place on this one.

And also, I probably wouldn't own such a record. But that's besides the point.

The 'Groovin'' record is a little safer - lots more 'song recognition' on this one. Heavy Motown vibe here, with songs from James Brown, Stevie Wonder, Darlene Love, etc. all delivering with songs I'm sure you've heard on the radio countless times. There's more consistency in 'vibe' here as well, and the songs seem like they were compiled by one person instead of, say, a country fan, an indie fan, a classic rock fan, and a weirdo (which I'm sure was the scenario on the first record.)

If you end up picking this one up, I'd avoid the Isaac Hayes and John Lee Hooker tracks on this second album at all costs. Both sound exactly like you'd expect, they're definitely not deviating from their signature sounds (and more power to them for that, I guess), but neither mesh well with the rest of the sound found here. 

Isaac makes you want to rush over to the nearest living thing and have yuletide sex with it, and John Lee makes you want to get drunk and blow its brains out with a shotgun once you're finished with it.

Happy Holidays, everyone.

VERDICT:  8/10 - Awesome (Another great addition to this star-studded compilation series. The majority of this album blends fluidly, without cringe-inducing tracks to pull the rating down too far. It loses a couple points for some odd song choices, but even these aren't outright terrible. If it drops in price again, be sure to pounce on it.)

- REMAINS IN ROTATION -

- Brian

Ep. XCVII: 'Motown Christmas 1's' - Various Artists

Well, we always end up having to endure one of these per season - might as well get it over and done with. . .

Album Title:  Motown Christmas 1's

Album Artist:  Various Artists

So I spent about $10 on this album back in, oh, July I think.  Sometime in the middle of summer at any rate.  Target had a bunch of their exclusive, colored LPs on sale so I bought several double-LPs - mostly 'Best of...'s and Holiday albums - at a mere $10 a pop.  A pretty damn good deal, if I don't say so myself.

Well, turns out I got hosed on this one, folks.  $10 was way too much.

At first glance, I go super excited about this one - I mean, what's not to love?  Legendary Motown groups, colored vinyl, ten frickin' dollars for a double-LP?  That's nearly a perfect storm of Holiday vinyl awesomeness, right? 

It should be.  But it's not.

Upon the dropping the needle down onto Side A of Disc 1 (the red one, folks), I immediately realized I could be in trouble.  The tempo of the first song (by the Four Topps) and the guy's lower-than-needed voice actually prompted me to switch the record speed over from 33 to 45.  I wish I was joking, guys, but I'm not. 

And seriously now.  French horns?  Get the f*** out of here.

Sadly, the entire album continues in more or less the same fashion:  you go into a song expecting something halfway-decent, based on the title of the Track and the name of the Artist covering it, only to be horribly disappointed in the end.  When one hears the name 'Motown' they think of the upbeat, snappy numbers from the early/mid'60's (at least I do.)  What we have most of the time here, dear readers, is the more glitzy, smoooooooth, oily 'soul' of the 70s.  This is blue jean caps, sequin jumpsuits, and cocaine addictions, not so much the beehive haircuts, short skirts, and sock-it-to-me-baby, Detroit pop that one usually associates with 'Motown.'

What in the Luther H. Vandross is this bullshit?  Get the hell out of here with that overly-sexualized, put-the-woman-in-the-bed crap.  It borders on sacrilege, honestly - such a tone does not belong on a Christmas album.  

Regardless of the vibe (if not most) of the songs on this release give off, there's just lack-luster performances all around.  I mean, seriously - three Smokey Robinson & the Miracles numbers and, while none of those ones are terrible, I guess, nothing comes even remotely close to 'I Second That Emotion' or 'Tears of a Clown.'  Five - yes, five - Temptations numbers on here and most of them are God-awful (which kills me to type out, because the Temptations are legends.)  These two groups right here - along with The Supremes (another group who can usually be counted on for knocking songs out of the park) - can count themselves now in the same company as one of my all-time favorites, Johnny Cash:

They usually make incredible music, but they have no business recording Holiday music.  Because everything I've heard thus far has been complete garbage.

You know it's bad when you have to call in the frickin' Jackson 5 - featuring a pre- child-molesting Michael Jackson - to do your heavy lifting on an album like this.  As much as I hate to admit it (because I hate Michael Jackson), the strongest song on the entirety of this double-LP release is the Jackson 5's cover of 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town.'  And that's saying something, because since he was like 7 when he recorded this song (I assume), it sounds like a children's song.

By far, the worst song on this release is Boyz II Men's 'Let It Snow.'  I didn't even know this washed-up boy band from the mid-90s was even Motown to begin with (as you can imagine, I don't listen to Motown passed '67 or '68, so who the hell cares when they stopped producing music.)  It's so overly-sung and dramatic (for no reason) that I feel like I need to be slow-dancing at a middle school dance or else wearing a white silk shirt unbuttoned halfway down my chest while feeding my wife chocolate-covered strawberries.

And I don't wanna do either of those things.  I just want to listen to a real Motown Christmas album.  Certainly not this bullshit.

VERDICT:  5/10 - Meh (Most of the songs on this release fall in the '3' to '5' range, but there's at least a few '6's on here to squeak out a halfway respectable score when averaged together.)

- SHELVED -

- Brian