Ep. CXXVII: 'Ultimate Christmas' - Frank Sinatra

This one's gonna be a roller coaster, folks. Prepare thyself.

Album Title:  Ultimate Christmas

Album Artist:  Frank Sinatra

Guys, this was a frivolous purchase for Yours Truly. I've already reviewed a Sinatra Christmas album (Episode 49, 12/14/18), which scored a '9' easily because, well, it's Frank f***ing Sinatra and he's basically what I imagine God would sound like if God could sing.

(I mean, I'm sure God can sing, but like he probably doesn't really do so very often - why would he need to?)

Anyway, this 2-LP album is basically a collection of Sinatra's best known and best-selling Christmas music. The previous Sinatra album I reviewed - A Jolly Christmas - was a twelve-song burst of Yuletide awesomeness, with almost non-existent filler material to speak of. This release expands the track list to twenty songs, spread out over four sides of heavy, 180-gram vinyl that plays quiet and flawlessly. I was pissed when I first became aware of this album's existence, because I knew that even though I already owned like many of the songs (which can also be found on A Jolly Christmas), I had to have those remaining tracks.

I think the easiest way to handle this release is by taking a look at those Holiday songs on here that are not on the other one, otherwise I'm just re-reviewing all the same shit I've already done before. That being said, let's take a look at the new tracks to check out:

Side 1

Track 1: 'White Christmas'

This is a great song. Not as great as Bing's classic version (the version, if we're being honest here), because I think Sinatra kinda hovers between 'swinging' Sinatra and 'crooning' Sinatra and doesn't know which version of himself to commit to. Preferably, considering how Bing's already locked up the 'crooning' angle with his version, it would've been bad-ass to hear Sinatra come out swinging (like he does on 'Jingle Bells,' for example.)

Side 2

Track 4: 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town.' Okay, here we get swinging Sinatra. Dude sounds fired up with just enough scotch to get him feisty, but not to the point where it effects his speech or singing. You can practically here the cigarette smoke billowing over the microphone. This may be the best version of this song I've ever heard.

Side 3

Track 1: 'An Old Fashioned Christmas.' This one wasn't my favorite. Frank sounds great, but it's really slow and the arrangement isn't the best - it's too sappy and his voice doesn't match the overly-sentimental tone of the music. I've never heard this song before, it's not what you would consider a 'Holiday staple' by any means, so, you know. . . that doesn't help.

Track 2: 'I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day.' Another slow one, but Frank does know to deliver on this one. On the previous track, it was more than obvious he was reading off a lyrics sheet. With this one, he belts it out as if he clearly knows every word to it already. And that translates, folks.

Track 3: 'The Little Drummer Boy.' A solid version of this song, done in the same vein as the famous Harry Simeone Chorale. Not as great as that version, but still - no complaints whatsoever. See:'White Christmas' above.

Track 4: 'Whatever Happened to Christmas.' This was clearly recorded later on in his career. The track is bloated and over-the-top, but Frank sounds tired and run down. He's still got the voice, but man. . . it's exhausted. Again, this song suffers from the voice and music not necessarily pairing up well, and it doesn't help that this isn't a familiar favorite you can draw upon for reference.

Track 5: 'The Twelve Days of Christmas.' Wanna hear Frank (barely) sing this long-ass, repetitive Holiday song with his kids ? What about switched up lyrics? Because I don't. They try and sweeten the deal with a collection of backup singers that sound as if they just walked off the set of a Tim Burton movie, but that just ends up making matters worse. This is probably the worst song on this entire album.

Side 4

Track 1: 'The Bells of Christmas/Greensleeves.' So here's another one with Frank bringing his kids back into the recording studio, along with the Tim Burton backup singers. They made up some lyrics to the tune of 'Greensleeves' and called it good.  It's not. If it was only Frank, and the arrangement wasn't soooo dramatic, it'd be far better.

Track 2: 'I Wouldn't Trade Christmas.' What is happening?? Another one with his f***ing kids?! He has a Rat Pack, for Christ's sake - tap into those guys. This song is a transparent move on his part to elevate the star status of his coattail-riding brats, and I'm not about this in the slightest.

Track 3: 'A Baby Just Like You.' Well, at least this one wasn't recorded on Bring Your Kids to Work day. This is a much later addition to his catalog, recorded about five years before I was born. You can tell, because Frank sounds half dead. He can still sing better than most mortal men, but Jesus - comparing this to some of the bangers on the first record is just cruel.

Track 4: 'Christmas Memories.' Another tired effort from '75. This song - and the one that preceded it aren't recognizable carols, nor do they have the charm, spark, whatever-you-want-to-call-it to be new Holiday favorites. These are just tired ass songs being sung by someone's grandfather (who probably gets laid waaaaay more than they do.) The backup singers sound as if they're singing a jingle from a shitty, old commercial off your local NBC affiliate channel back in the '70s. Kinda makes me want to go out and buy some Shake n' Vac.

So there you have it, gang. This wasn't the direction in which I was anticipating this album going but. . . here we are. The first record is practically flawless, so it'd be hard giving that anything below a '9.' The second record, though - damn. For me, that one's closer to a '5' or a '6,' so I think for this release, it's only fair to average the two together and cut our losses. 

(I'm sorry Frank, I truly am.)

VERDICT:  7/10 - Pretty Rad (I'm disappointed in this one, simply because had they trimmed up the fat a little bit - by throwing the second record into a fire, perhaps - this would be a solid release. Go out and buy a copy of A Jolly Christmas instead, gang.)

- REMAINS IN CIRCULATION -

- Brian