Ep. XLIV: 'Twas the Night Before Christmas' - The Caroleers

 Welcome back to the Odyssey, America.  Our Yuletide jam session continues. . .

Album Title:  'Twas the Night Before Christmas

Album Artist:  The Caroleers

 

The name 'Caroleers' invokes imagery of some serious Holiday swashbuckling, doesn't it?  Some upbeat, swinging carol-slinging.  Perhaps some sword play or damsel-saving to boot.  Sadly, these motherf***ers right here are about as far from all of that Holiday fun as humanly possible.  

Remember the Caroleers?  They graced our presence before, folks, and the results were not good to say the least.

Honestly, the Caroleers don't deserve a band name at all.  Band names are for people who can create music.  This doesn't sound like these people created anything - it sounds like as if they walked into a large hall, approached some already set-up microphones, and started singing.  I mean, I'm sure some of these guys have previous choir experience, I guess, but the way they sing together sounds like a bunch of random people singing into a set of microphones.

And, dear readers, if you just sound like a bunch of random people singing into a set of microphones, than you are a choir, and you get named after the church in which you sing (Saint Michael's Lutheran Choir, the First United Methodist Choir, etc.)  Sorry, Caroleers - you're not nearly as cool as you think you are.

"Check out Santa's ass!"

That being said, this album is a total snooze-fest.  The arrangements are beyond boring.  It's like listening to glue dry.   I picked this album up because the cover art made it sound like it'd be some hokey children's album (I overlooked the name 'Caroleers' when I bought it, or else I probably wouldn't have picked it up at all.)  The only reference to the cover art to be found is the Side A Track 1 title track, which is lifted from the famous poem of the same name - ridiculously abridged into a thirty-second or so 'song' clip.  It stands out considerably from the rest of the album's overall church-y vibe, but is equally just as terrible.

This is an audible wasteland of dusty church organs, bells, grandma's living room keyboard, and a track listing that sounds like it was taken from the Early Bird church service (you know, the one no one goes to because it's boring and filled with elderly people who are about to die.)  I mean, how do you make 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas' sound like a boring-ass church service?  That's a Holiday anthem, for Christ's sake - what the hell, Caroleers?

VERDICT:  2/10 - Reality TV (This album needs to be completely erased from existence.  I might make it my life's work to hunt down and destroy every, last copy of this album.  You know, to save Christmas.)

- SHELVED -

Ep. XLIII: 'Boots and Stockings' - Boots Randolph

How's it going, music lovers?  Ready for some more jam nerdery?

(Of course you are.)

Album Title:  Boots and Stockings

Album Artist:  Boots Randolph

So.  You guys like the song, 'Yakety Sax'?  Remember that old British variety show - I think it was a variety show, at least - the Benny Hill Show?  Remember?  People running in and out of various doors, falling over stuff, crowds of people running around and a certain saxophonist losing his damn mind on the track?

Not sure what I'm talking about?  Go check it out here on Youtube.

I'll wait. . .

. . .

. . you check it out yet?  Yeah?  Pretty good, right?

That's what the entirety of Side A sounds like, except in Christmas-form. 

And it's awesome.  I really, really like this.  In fact, had both sides of this album sounded like this, this could be - and I shit you not - the quintessential Holiday party soundtrack (well, if your Holiday party's a kegger, that is.)  But, alas, Side B slows down considerably, and that 'Yakkety Sax' sound that we've all come to love over the years disappears.  Instead, we get a more introspective saxophone sound, and while it's not horrible by any means, it's kind of a letdown considering what we had on Side A.

It almost sounds like this album was recorded all in one evening at the studio, and the engineers purposely stacked all the up-tempo, 'fun' songs on this album up front because they were more demanding for Boots to play.  They wanted their star saxophone player to have enough energy to belt out his trademark hornmanship (I don't know what that's called, sorry) on those tracks before he lost all his energy and started playing like a homeless guy doped up on Nyquil.  

They couldn't give Boots a frickin' coffee break at some point in the recording session?

In closing, if you ever come across this in a record store, or a thrift shop, I would definitely recommend picking it up.  It's a lot of fun.

I'd just constantly play Side A over and over again, though. 

VERDICT:  7/10 - Pretty Rad (If this had been 'Side A' on both sides, we'd be looking at a solid '8,' maybe even a '9.')

- REMAINS IN CIRCULATION -