Ep. CXLVI: 'Twenty Best Loved Carols' - The Tappan Zee Madrigal Singers

Wait wait wait - a Renaissance-inspired, a cappella, Christmas album recorded by a bunch of nerdy high school students in the 1970's? Did Christmas come early this year or what?  

Album Title:  Twenty Best Loved Carols

Album Artist:  The Tappan Zee Madrigal Singers

So, when I hear the word 'Madrigal,' I think of that shitty Disney movie Encanto. You know how each Disney movie that comes out now has to highlight some random culture from elsewhere in the world ('cause diversity)? Well, Encanto is based somewhere down in South America, and the main family's surname is Madrigal. The grandmother is a huge bitch and should have been killed off by the drug cartels instead of her husband at the beginning of the movie, but hey - Disney didn't consult me when they were developing the film.

Anyway, 'Madrigal' on this album doesn't refer to Encanto, but instead to some random form of Italian singing dating back to the Renaissance and Late Baroque periods (I clearly didn't know this ahead of time, I Googled it when I first checked out the album cover.) So what we have here, by the looks of things, is some '70s-ish Choir of young adults (or teenagers), recording Christmas songs as a Choir for some Holiday album. In a Renaissance-y sorta way.

You excited yet?

Right away we can get a pretty good idea of what we're getting ourselves into here. Hell, we just covered a different high school choir recording a Christmas album (well, sort of) a couple weeks ago. These people are bound to be able to sing well enough (otherwise why the hell would they get their own Holiday alb- wait, never mind, I've reviewed plenty of albums that were horribly sung.) 

The recording quality here sounds half-way competent - they didn't hire the local 'tech guy' from the First Baptist Church down the street to run the reels - so this album, from a production standpoint at least, isn't terrible. 

The same can't be said for the song selection, and, well, the arrangements.

Whoever arranged these tracks wrote the vocal sheet music as if they were a Medieval Times enthusiast with a hankering for Beatnik literature and math-jazz. There's a sprinkling of songs on this release that sound traditional, in a church choir singing a familiar church song sorta way, but most of the album is just. . . odd. The arranger/conductor/whatever leaned hard into a contemporary sound for these 'Madrigal' singers, in order to - and I'm spit-ballin' here - capitalize on their 'youthful energies.' 

Imagine you're a composer in his mid-40s, working at some university or whatever, and you special in vocal arrangements. You're fond of cigarettes and turtlenecks, and have appeared on multiple, local television programs in that 2am-5am window. You've been given money by a school to record an album to showcase the school's talented choir, and all you have to do is write renditions of twenty, random Christmas songs, with vocals arrangements that fit the performers.

So, falling to hubris, you start concocting the most un-Christmas-y sheet music known to man. Imagine Charlie Brown's Christmas album, but geared towards 18-year-olds who are obsessed with Shakespeare and the paintings of Edmund Blair Leighton. It's a career-killing move, unless you're tenured and can literally do whatever the damn hell you want at your age. 

These vocal arrangements are far too 'jazzy' for standard Christmas Carols sung by a choir - this sounds like the sort of nonsense art students would listen to during the Holidays. And not the usual 'hipster' art students, mind you - don't get me wrong here, folks. No, these are the classically-trained art students who LOVE the Middle Ages and revel in Medieval aesthetic. Like, you know damn well each and every one of them has a favorite chanting monk.

Jesus, just look at the picture of this choir on the front album cover - do you think they were asked to dress like that or they just showed up to rehearsal wearing those get-ups?

Is that the whole 'Madrigal' thing I learned about? Weird chord progressions and vocal acrobatics? Sure, they show off a vocalist's range, but. . . who honestly cares how well a 17-year-old can sing? Do you? Are you going to get invested in a bunch of kids who can sing well, and, like, follow their careers over the years and root for them? Maybe start following them around on tour in a Volkswagen bus and make a series of poor decisions along the way?

No. Hell no you're not, because nobody cares about teenagers. Trust me, I know - I teach middle school. 

This album's major failing (aside from the aforementioned vocal arrangements) are that a solid portion of this track list is comprised of songs that no one, in their Goddamn right mind, would ever want to listen to. Especially on a Christmas album. Yeah, they have a few famous Christmas staples on here ('Joy to the World,' 'O Come All Ye Faithful,' etc.), but they're outnumbered by over double the amount of obscure, religious songs that were most likely penned by penitent monks in the 12th century. They could be based (loosely) on Jesus' birth and the Nativity and whatever (the church-y Christmas stuff), but it's a stretch.

I mean, what the F*** does 'Balulalow' mean?

They had the audacity to name this album Twenty Best Loved Carols, when, in all actuality, it should have been named after the second track on Side A, 'Come, Gay Shepherds.'

Wakka wakka.

VERDICT:  4/10 - Borophyll  (This album should be burned at the stake for witchcraft. It gets a couple pity points for having a few, traditional - but still boring - church-ish choir numbers in its track list. )

- SHELVED -

- Brian

Ep. LXIII: 'Music of the Medieval Court and Countryside' - New York Pro Musica

Jesus Christ.  I have a weird one today, folks.

Album Title:  Music of the Medieval Court and Countryside (for the Christmas Season)

Album Artist:  New York Pro Musica

So I was in Radio Wasteland a couple days ago, selling back some vinyl and perusing their Holiday selection (half- looking for some awesome new additions to my Christmas vinyl collection, half- looking for records so God-awful that they'd be fun to review in this Odyssey of mine), and I stumbled across this Decca selection for $5.  For being so old (1952), it was in NM/NM condition, looking as if it had never been played (sounds like it, too), and it's one of those albums that includes a frickin' 20-page book - so commonly found in classical music or opera LPs - that give you a history of each and every track on the record.

I'm a big fan of that.

To summarize said included literature, this selection of musicians and singers present traditional folk and religious music from the 12th to 17th centuries, commonly played in the courts of the ruling classes and in cathedrals across Western Europe.  Check it out:

It's too bad more albums don't have big, 30-page mini-book inserts like this - I feel like that's a missed opportunity.  Like, not just liner notes, but full backstories of how albums came together.  Wouldn't that be awesome?

This album sounds exactly like I thought it would, honestly - the kind of music you'd expect to hear while waltzing into a Renaissance Faire.  Or, perhaps, while waiting for a Loading screen in a Sid Meier's Civilization game.  To call it 'Christmas'-y is definitely a stretch, but these guys are definitely representing themselves accurately when they refer to this offering as 'Medieval Court' music.  If you've ever seen a movie set in the Middle Ages, and there's been a scene where there's a feast of some kind, in like the Great Hall of a castle, then you've heard arrangements like the instrumentals found on this album.

People couldn't draw for shit in the Middle Ages.

Picture it, folks.  A portly king, nobly drunk, red-faced and laughing his ass off, sloshing around a golden goblet of wine at the end of a long table.  Probably sloshing it accidentally over his visibly-annoyed and pious-as-f*** queen (who obviously sports a resting bitch face.)  Bearded nobles flank them on either side, some look drunk and merry, others dark and probably up to no good.  Courtiers, hangers-on, and ladies-in-waiting move about the feast, jockeying for position among the tables, all the while servants bustle to and fro, spilling shit.  Hunting dogs wrestle for bones on the stone floor, roaring fires illuminate the banner-covered walls, while bored guards standing about the perimeter, leaning on spears. 

You see where I'm going with this.

I'd say that aforementioned scene adds up to half the music on this album sounds like what you'd expect to hear.  These festive, instrumental numbers from a bygone era are solid tracks, and I can't find fault in them.  Do they truly sound Christmas-y in nature?  Eh, I guess if 'Good King Wenceslas' was the hit song from an obscure One Hit Wonder, this music could be the rest of said One Hit Wonder's catalog.  It sorta sounds the same, but it's definitely not of the same calibre as their hit single.

(And just so we're clear, here:  'Good King Wenceslas' does not appear on this album.)

Some stylish folk threw down on this album. . .

Now, the other half of these tracks are vocal arrangements - sometimes with just the vocals alone, and sometimes with an instrument or two adding accents here or there.  Instead of at a feast, these are tracks more commonly found whilst strolling through a gothic cathedral.  Now, maybe these guys are singing about Christmas - it's totally possible - but since I don't speak frickin' Latin, we're never gonna know.  This doesn't bother me too much, though; I mean, if these vocalists were singing in anything but Latin (say, English, if you will), that'd be ridiculously jarring, don't you think?

I mean, if you're traveling back in time to the Middle Ages, and happen to find yourself listening to an assortment of monks singing solemnly about what we can all assume is religious stuff, and they were NOT singing in Latin. . . well, if I were you I'd get the hell out of their real fast.  Latin is kinda their jam - to sing anything else would probably get them burned at the stake for heresy or something.

There ya go.

Anyway, in summary, this is pretty interesting record, and it's a unique addition to my collection - totally glad I stumbled upon it this year.  That being said, it's not something I imagine I'll listen to as frequently as some of the other ones in my Holiday collection.  Alas, had they only upped the Yule a bit on this one. . .

. . . and also alas, I kinda wish I would've written this entire blog entry in Ye Olde English, now that I think about it.  Son of a bitch. . .

VERDICT:  6/10 - Decent (This would have definitely been a strong '7,' but this is, after all, a Holiday music series, and I have to rate it accordingly.  I'm shelving it for this year, but it very well may end up in circulation in coming years.) 

- SHELVED -

- Brian