Ep. CXXVI: 'The Bells of Christmas Morn' - The Schulmerich Carillon Americana Bell

Man, I hope you guys like doorbells. . .

Album Title:  The Bells of Christmas Morn

Album Artist:  The Schulmerich "Carillon Americana" Bell

I've reviewed my fair share of blase 'Bell & Chimes' Holiday records over the years, as well as the alternative (and slightly better) 'Chimes & Organ.' There's a crap-load of that stuff out there to choose from, it was definitely all the rage back in the '50s considering how much of it you come across in your local thrift store (or record store dollar bin.) 

I assumed, when I first spotted this one, that it would sound similar to the previous records I've reviewed on here; I mean, it has 'bells' on the title, the track listing is similar, the artwork just as tired and lame. On other 'bells'-related albums, one can expect hand bells of varying size, usually performed by a 'band' (for lack of better term) of people ringing different bells at designated times in order to create an easily-discernible Christmas melody. 

Kris' old church downtown has a bell 'team' (or band, whatever), in fact: they line up in a row in front of a cloth-covered table, upon which arrayed out like medieval torture devices are bells of different sizes ('cause the bigger bells make lower-pitched sounds, etc.) They're then conducted by some old bag of a woman who definitely acts as if she's conducting the London Symphony Orchestra, and the results are what you'd expect.

This album, believe it or not, does not sound anything like the previous Bell/Chime/Organ albums I've reviewed in the past.

This album sounds like a doorbell.

The ol' Holiday message on the back of the cover. Don't believe any of it.

I wish I was kidding, but that's like the most accurate way I can possibly describe it. Well, maybe a room filled with multiple doorbells, all simultaneously going off at the same time. Now, you might be thinking to yourself, "Ope, here we go - Brian's over-exaggerating for entertainment's sake again. . ." but I shit you not, America - when I started playing this album on my turntable, both my dogs started to lose their shit in the living room. They thought someone was at our door.

Seriously.

So let's take a step back and analyze the nuts and bolts of this real quick. There's not much to find fault with with a track list of familiar Christmas songs, and the recording quality itself isn't horrible (it's a 70-year-old record, we'll cut it some slack.) The 'attraction' of this album was how they hooked up hundreds and hundreds of tons of cast-metal bells to an electronic organ (not even joking), so that when some asshole named Robert (a so-called 'Carillonneur,' mind you) plays a Christmas song on said keyboard, it strikes all these heavy-ass bells.

Goddamn it, Robert - you frickin' ruined doorbells for me.

With the lighter, higher-pitched bells, this could have been stomached in moderation, but when all you're doing is ringing super loud-ass bells non-stop, it gets old real fast. Like, ten seconds is too much. Robert, bells are accent instruments, used for emphasis or atmosphere (quietly, in the background). Unless you're announcing the hour of the day, calling people to prayer, or alerting people that there's someone at their door, we don't need bells in our day-to-day lives. And we certainly don't need bells this frequently in Christmas music.

Imagine hearing a crash cymbal in a song. Totally great once and awhile, for emphasis purposes.

Now imagine a song where it's nothing but repeated crash cymbals, from start to finish.

That's what this album is like.

VERDICT:  2/10 - Reality TV (Stock up on the Tylenol if you're dead set on listening to this one. You've been warned.)

- SHELVED-

- Brian

Ep. CXXV: 'Here Comes Santa Claus' - Unknown

 Hey, who's ready to touch [consensually] their inner, Holiday child. . .

Album Title:  Here Comes Santa Claus!

Album Artist:  Unknown

Here we got with yet another dollar bin find from Radio Wasteland; if you couldn't tell, this has been my go-to method for scrounging up cheap, shitty albums to review the last four or five Holiday Seasons. It's getting to the point where I have to make sure I don't pick any up that I've already reviewed in previous posts.  

This one, however, couldn't be passed up. Jesus H. Christ, just look at this frickin' guy. That's the most red-faced Santa Claus I've ever seen.

"Uh Oh, children - Santa's made a HUGE mistaaaake."

If he's sober in this picture, I'm an Ohioan.

He's got that 'oh shit' look in his eyes too - a look filled with shock and regret. To me, that either indicates he just did something sudden and gross in his pants and was unable to do anything about it in the heat of the moment. . . . or else that rabid, baby panda he's got cradled in his chubby mitts just bit him.

This baby panda is the thing of nightmares. It will eat your soul.

(That's the scariest baby panda I've ever seen, folks.)

Whoever previously owned this album played the holy hell out of it, I'll tell you what. Even after a run through the ol' Spin Clean record cleaning system, it's still scuffed all to hell. It'd be more believable to learn that the previous owner had used this record as a frickin' shovel than as something to be played on their turntable. The surface noise on this album is so bad I almost threw the record in the trash without reviewing it at all.

But that would have been a waste of a dollar, kids.

Anyway, shitty album art/record condition aside, the arrangements here could be best described as 'cartoon' music, gang. Accordions and xylophones  - and lots and lots of jingle bells - abound, everything's upbeat and cheerful, and it all sounds like circus music. Or the sort of thing you'd hear in a 1940's cartoon. Nothing here out of the ordinary, I guess, considering this is a children's album after all.  

Have I heard better? Sure, absolutely. Is it bad? Meh. . . 'bad' might be a stretch. 

It's not good, but, then again, I'm not one to rock out to children's music, I'm definitely not the target demographic here. That being said, I can easily think of, like, two-dozen Christmas albums that were geared towards children that had more 'child-appropriate' singers than this release. The male singer that takes the lead on most of the songs on this album sounds like a mix between Glenn Yardbrough and a stuffy, pompous banker type in an old Looney Tunes (like that Bugs Bunny would repeatedly mess with throughout the course of an old cartoon short.) Not the best vocal option for a children's album, in my opinion, but hell - what do I know?  This is a children's album, and I'm 25 years old.

There's no artist credits on this album to be found anywhere, so we'll probably never know who this sub-par vocalist is. But, taking into consideration the catalog of other record label titles advertised on the back of this album (instead of artist/band credits, 'from our house to yours' messages, etc.), I think it's safe to assume that this singer was most likely just company 'talent' that was brought into the studio for an afternoon of singing kids' Christmas songs. He probably makes appearances on the label's obligatory Country/Western albums, Polka albums, and a few of those 'Cherished Favorites' compilations of some kind, too.

. . . that, or he works in the mail room and just happened to be passing by a board room when a couple big-wigs asked him if he knew how to sing at all. 

Who's to know.

There's also a  female singer who takes lead vocal duty on a couple tracks (usually she just chimes in on some of the choruses here and there as a background singer.) She's a click above the male singer, as far as children's music from the 1950s goes. Gives off some strong Angela Lansbury vibes. So, you know. . . if that's your thing. . . .

Then, out of left field, just when you've been lulled into a false sense of childlike security by two, full sides of this kiddie circus album - BAM - the album producers drop a spoken word poem on your ass.

''Twas the Night Before Christmas.' Odds are you grew up reading it - or having it read to you - every Christmas Eve, it's a classic. But does it really need to be on a Holiday record? 

It certainly feels out of place, even on a bizarro Children's album like this one. To make matters worse, as the poem goes on, they start incorporating cartoon-y sound effects - window shutters opening, reindeer hooves on a roof, etc. - and background begins to swell. This, I assume, was included in order to inject some 'yuletide flare' into the famous Christmas poem. The result from the combination of this music and the guy's voice sounds like this would be far better suited for a 1950s educational film teaching children about how crayons are made in a factory. 

In conclusion, when in doubt, feel free to leave off adding poetry to one's Holiday albums.

VERDICT:  4/10 - Borophyll (A really dated Children's Christmas album. Had I reviewed this baby about, oh, seventy years ago, I'd probably rate it pretty well. Unfortunately, seeing how I don't have a access to a time machine, I'm going to have to knock it down substantially instead. It's also gonna lose a point for the beyond-stupid inclusion of a poem at the end of Side B.)

- SHELVED-

- Brian

Ep. CXXIV: "Winter Wonderland" - Various Artists

A true behemoth of a Holiday album awaits thee, music-lovers. Strap yourself in. . .

Album Title:  Winter Wonderland

Album Artist:  Various Artists

Kids, I've had this double-LP release on my list for years.

Years.

I took one look at the track list on this this thing and realized it wasn't something that could be realistically passed up. Alas, seeing how it was out of print I wasn't thrilled with paying Amazon's exuberant, post-Covid price. Eventually, over the summer, it dipped down to like $22 and I pulled the trigger on it. Sadly it's not pressed on colored vinyl - which would have been a nice, if not trivial, bonus.

Considering most of the songs on here are well-known, I figured the easiest thing to do here is lean hard into those tracks on this album that aren't seasonal favorites. I mean, at this point in the grand scheme of things, what more am I going to say about Brenda Lee's 'Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree?' Who the hell am I to comment on something like that? 

Some random guy dying on some random hill in some obscure corner of the World Wide Web, that's who. 

So, taking this into consideration, I'm going to break each of these four sides down one at a time and introduce you to some of the Holiday jams on here that you may or may not have heard. . .

The inner record sleeves for this release are pretty fancy, too.

Disc 1, Side A.

They come out of the gate strong with the first two songs, no question there. But Track 3 pumps the brakes pretty damn fast. This whole compilation is definitely themed, showcasing Christmas standards from the 40's - 60's. You have a whole splattering of familiar faces (looking at the track listing on these four sides, you can see who I'm talking about), but then you're presented with a handful of 'filler' artists that were probably label rank-and-file back in the day. Paul Anka is one of these guys.

Paul himself doesn't sound all that bad (for a '50s teen idol, I guess), but his backup singers - who introduce 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus' and then make weird little appearances throughout the following minutes - are really, really bad. You know that old elementary school taunt/chant, "So-and-so and so-and-so/in a tree/K-I-S-S-I-N-G"? That's essentially their delivery, except it sounds like the whole gaggle of hens got into a box of Franzia and had their way with it.

Billy Fury - who, honestly, sounds like he should be a G.I. Joe instead of a '50's crooner - isn't one I usually associate with Christmas, but 'My Christmas Prayer' is decent. I can't find any fault in it, really, but I've never heard this song before and I'm pretty sure I know why: this is 97% '50s teen ballad and 3% Christmas. If it weren't for the jingle bells playing softly in the background, and maybe half a dozen mentions of 'Christmas' and 'Snow' in the lyrics, you wouldn't think this was a Christmas song. If you were driving around in your car and this was in the background, you'd probably never know.

'Blue Christmas' wraps up the end of Side A, but for whatever f***ing reason the geniuses behind this compilation decided to pass on the quintessential version done by Elvis, opting instead for Bobby Vee. Bobby is to Elvis as The Chad Mitchell Trio are to Bob Dylan. 'Are they both folk artists?'  Yeah, sure. But one of them is Bob frickin' Dylan, and the others can be found collecting dust in your local Goodwill. While the arrangement itself isn't bad objectively, whoever recorded this dual-layered Bobby's vocals terribly, so it sounds like he's singing with his twin instead of just boosting his own vocals. 

So like The Proclaimers, if you will. But only they're a Chad Mitchell Trio-tier act covering a Holiday staple done by someone far superior.

Disc 1, Side B:

Every song on this side is a  Holiday banger. Every. Last. One. You've heard 'em all, they're great.

Move along, folks.

Disc 2, Side C:

This one defies all rational thought: who in their right mind would include 'Rockin' Robin'' on a Holiday album?  

When I first spotted this on the track list, I thought to myself, "Well, maybe they recorded an alternate version, where the lyrics are adjusted slightly to make it Christmas-y. And maybe they added jingle bells or something."

Nope. 

It's the same version you've heard your entire life. Did they throw it in there just because the rest of the album is mostly '50s music?  I didn't know folks could do that, just throw whatever songs you want onto a Holiday compilation.  

I really like Led Zeppelin's 'Good Times, Bad Times' but I'm NOT about to dump it into one of my Holiday playlists. Good f***ing Lord.

Pat Boone has never been one of my favorites, but his version of 'Here Comes Santa Claus' is easily over-looked. Not stupendous, but meh - it's unoffensive filler that's easily overlooked if not short in duration.

Bobby Vee closes out yet another Side with yet another lackluster version of a song done soooo much better by so many other performers in existence. It boggles the mind why the producers of this compilation leaned so hard into this guy.

Seriously. They couldn't pull the trigger on another Sinatra or Bing song? Those guys are BOTH already in this compilation, and their versions are leaps and bounds above this one.

Disc 2, Side D:

Again, another side of Christmas classics (thank God.) Just take a gander at the track listing here - each one of those is a song you know every note to, it's ingrained in your soul at this point. I don't have a single complaint on this side either.

So, after listening to four sides of this jam-packed, Holiday compilation, I'm not regretting this purchase at all. Odd music selections aside - and damn, some of those were really, really weird - I will give the producers props for creating a compilation that flows incredibly well. This era in Christmas music was perfectly captured in this release, and, while some of it could have definitely been stricken in favor of other (better) versions, this stands as worthy addition to one's Holiday collection.

. . . . seriously, though - 'Rockin' Robin.'  I mean, c'mon.

VERDICT:  8/10 - Awesome (A cavalcade of awesome with a sprinkling of lackluster, Holiday bullshit thrown in for good measure. This compilation could have trimmed off the fat and been whittled down to one record and it would have easily been a 10.)

- REMAINS IN CIRCULATION -

- Brian

Ep. CXXIII: 'White Christmas' - John Schneider

Greetings from the far reaches of the Holiday soundscape - from its dark, mildew-y corners, I bring you this Aryan relic. . .

Album Title:  White Christmas

Album Artist:  John Schneider

This dollar-bin find from Radio Wasteland was a no-brainer for Yours Truly, gang. I mean just look at this guy: one can't help but be immediately drawn to the blonde locks and overly-friendly countenance of what very well may be the whitest man of all time. Cozily wrapped up in a festive sweater so ugly Bill Cosby wouldn't touch that shit. 

I have no idea who John Schneider is, but based on the photos of homeboy on the outer sleeve, he's either a.) a Mormon missionary, b.) a Christian singer, or c.) a German pop star.

(If we're going with 'c' on this one, the title White Christmas takes on a notable, Third Reich sorta vibe.)

There's not a lot of information to gleam from these two photographs, and not much in the text to to give this guy much of a backstory (no 'From Our House to Yours' cheesiness to read through, no message from the producer). I could probably look up who this guy is on Wikipedia or whatever, buuuut I don't feel like opening up another tab right now.

Whoever he is, the production value on this album is pretty good. Like there's a legit band here, not some random asshole playing one of those keyboards where you can hit a button and suddenly F# sounds like a maraca. The arrangements are mixed well, too - it doesn't sound like someone's cousin recorded this with home equipment in a local church on a Thursday evening (because we get LOTS of that around here, it seems) - but holy shit, are they boring.

Schneider totally sounds like, say, an animated Prince Charming. All pure and innocent, with a hint of whimsy and a dash of heroic bravado (not that Prince Charmings ride into battle at the head of great host or anything, they're usually just gallivanting through a forest in tights - not sure why they even bother strapping on a sword.)  

Listening to him sing, the guy's over-annunciation gives the impression that he's the sorta guy that doesn't know how to use contractions when speaking. No highs or lows in the vocals, no swagger or gun powder in the delivery, no over-the-top brashness like you often times get with those church-y Christmas singers. No conviction at all, really - just a guy singing words off a lyric sheet in a studio and collecting a paycheck.

This is how a guy laying down tracks for a Disney character would do it - Schneider's probably moonlighting providing vocals for the love interest on Cinderella's Christmas Album.

He's not a terrible singer, I guess, but he's far from what I'd call 'pro' level. You know when you go out to a bar and when you walk in you notice there's people singing karaoke? And eventually a bunch of drunks drag one of their reluctant friends up on stage and, after a few moments of obligatory 'modest protesting,' the friends starts singing, and he's like surprisingly good?  You're like, 'Oh damn, this dude can actually sing.'  Know what I'm talking about?

Well, that's based on the civilian scale of singing ability, folks - like when you see an actress on TV and are all like, 'She's not that hot,' but you know if you passed her on the sidewalk you'd most likely have a heart attack and shit your pants. 

. . . .

We all do it, it's cool. It's not weird.

VERDICT:  4/10 - Borophyll (Prince Charming cuts a Christmas album and can't figure out why his true love would choose to remain asleep instead of being conscious for this snooze-fest.)

- SHELVED-

- Brian

Ep. CXXII: 'A Christmas to Remember' - Various Artists

Hey there. Let's jump into this one and, well, just see what we can wrap our heads around . .

Album Title:  A Christmas to Remember

Album Artist:  Various Artists

Right off the bat, I should let you guys know that this was one of the more difficult albums I've had to review for the Holidays. I first spotted it at Radio Wasteland in the dusty-as-all-hell Dollar Bin, and right away I thought this was going to be a total crap-fest, considering:

No, that's not The Band - it's The Christmas Boogie Band. Huge difference.

1.)  I didn't recognize a single artist on the track listing on the back of the sleeve, which is rarely a good sign. I mean, how hard is it really to book a C- or D-List artist for a Holiday record? How many absolute train wrecks have we seen over the years featuring abysmal 'talent' in their track listings? These dudes are always clamoring for spots on Christmas compilations like this, that's pretty much all they had once their mainstream careers began to dry up. 

2.)  The cover art is. . . something. You have Santa Claus, flying across a wintery landscape, like he's been known to do - directly in front of the moon like he's in E.T. or some shit. Down below on the ground is a herd of wild horses, watching on in what I can only assume is awe at the passing spectacle. Horses are skittish animals, guys, so this probably freaked them right the f*** out. Seeing a dude repeatedly cracking a whip across the backs of their quadruped cousins (are horses and reindeer distantly related?) as THEY FLY ACROSS THE SKY, IN CLEAR DEFIANCE OF GOD'S WILL.

Clearly whoever whipped this together was high as a damn kite.

But I digress. Let's get back to the point of this whole entry here, folks - let's analyze what this thing actually sounds like. 

Dropping the needle on Side A, we're met with some upbeat Tijuana-ish, South-of-the-Border jazz. As you all well know by now, this is most definitely my jam. I sat up, took notice, and was like, 'Oh damn, we might have a surprise keeper on our hands here!'

Remember this one, gang? Colored vinyl pressing of Christmas Disco for $12?

Then, right on its heels, came something different - a full-blown, Salsoul Orchestra-ish rendition of 'Jingle Bells.' Jarring, sure, considering it was preceded by a completely different sound, but not horrible: both were upbeat, fun instrumentals that one could definitely be entertained by, and they were done well (mixing, arrangement, performance - no complaints.) 

The next track also had some disco elements to it, but featured a male singer delivering some straight-up yacht rock vocals over the funkiness. 2015 Brian would not have cared for this in the slightest, but 2024 Brian, folks, is all here for the Yacht Rock.

I was hoping the trend would continue as Side A progressed, but the ol' bucket of ice water was dashed in my face pretty fast when the next track kicked off. A polka number. Heavy on the organ, no accordion to be found, so that it comes across more as a carnival ride soundtrack than an actual Polish take on Christmas. Definitely cringy, but all of these songs clock in under the 2-minute mark, so I was willing to take a point off and continue on my merry way. Fortunately, the next song is a return to Yacht Rock/Disco territory, which, while not my favorite sort of yuletide genre in the slightest, was at least following a discernible trend.

Magnum P.I. and Slenderman enjoy a sleigh ride on a magical winter's night. 

The last track on Side A, while not horrible, was a country/western instrumental done all on a quartet of guitars. And though out of place here (though the 'place,' by this point in time, is starting to get hard to keep track of), it was a decent little track. No, where everything falls of the rails in major fashion is upon flipping the record over on to Side B. . .

It's a piano-led orchestral number. Slow, serene, and it doesn't sound anything like Christmas music. It's like they pressed two different mini-albums onto one frickin' record. No more upbeat, fun music. No more Tijuana jazz, no more disco, no more yacht rock. Now it's time for introspection.

I had a bad feeling that this album was themed (I've reviewed albums in the past that were released like this), with one side the 'upbeat' Christmas music - the fun carols, etc. - and the other side the 'serious' Christmas music (you know, the 'Reason for the Season' and all that crap.)  

I hate it when albums do this.

Well, they definitely weren't kidding with the 'all the different ways you feel' crap.

My fears were well-founded, as it turns out. The next couple tracks were all filled with the usual, boring church bullshit: lots of organ, lots of hand bells, chimes, harpsichords, harmonicas (courtesy of a group called The Harmonicats - seriously, I guess that's a thing that exists), and - of course - swelling string sections. It was bad enough just as mere instrumental tracks, but by the third or fourth song in, they start rolling out the usual, overly-brash male vocals - because belting out religious carols makes it hit harder, I guess - and the standard, old-lady-warbling that you generally hear at a church service you're dragged to during the Holiday Season.

This whole album sounds like some mid-level record company executive asked his sound engineers what masters were lying around the label's studio that hadn't been previously released on prior Holiday compilations. The poor sound dudes, sighing deeply and shaking their heads, came out with a dusty cardboard box filled with a 13 reels of various songs (from all kinds of frickin' genres.) They informed this douchey superior of theirs that these reels were all that was left, but they were from various sessions over the years and there wasn't any continuity to speak of.

Then the executive, in his infinite wisdom, said 'screw it' and told them to mix them all up and have the shit pressed for release.

If it were possible to rate each side separately, I'd probably rate Side A a 6.5 (not that we condone the '0.5' system around here) and Side B a 4. But, because we are a society with f***ing rules, I can't do that, and as such, will be slapping one, big rating on the entire album as a whole.  And I'm not happy about it. At all.

VERDICT:  5/10 - Meh  (Almost good, but damn - this album does to 'compilations' what Michael Bay did to Transformers. It's so random that I want to prescribe it ADHD meds and get it in to therapy.)

- SHELVED-

- Brian

Ep. CXXI: 'In the Christmas Spirit' - Booker T. & The MG's

Okay, people. 

It's mid-November. The Holiday Pre-Season is upon us.

And you all know what that means. . . .

The Great Christmas Record Odyssey.

If you like pompous know-it-alls in their mid-40's who act as if they have some kind of authority on a super random - albeit obscure - piece of pop culture, look no further. Yours Truly has spent nearly a decade hunting down and amassing stacks upon stacks of Christmas Records. From the dusty shelves of thrift stores, to the dollar bins at record stores, to the hunting down of limited edition, color-pressings of new albums online, I have collected and deeply analyzed (and, more often than not, thrown out) over a hundred and twenty albums thus far. All of them celebrating the most glorious of time of the year. 

Seeing how it's the first installment of this year's season of vinyl scrutinization, I'll once again direct your attention to the sacred rating scale we use around these parts:

10 - . . . And Out Come the Wolves  (Perfection. Don't believe me? Name a better punk album. I'll wait.)

9 - Cowabunga!  (I'm Gen-X, guys - for people in my age group, this term encapsulates the feeling of being round-house kicked across the face by a Ninja Turtle. But in a good way.)

8 - Awesome  (Solid, without any major faults. Worthy of repeated spins during the Holidays. )

7 - Pretty Rad  (Generally, in order for an album of mine to stay in Holiday Season Rotation, it needs to be rated '7' and up.)

6 - Decent  (This is the point where it gets dicey. Once and awhile a '6' makes it into constant rotation, but only if it satisfies a previously-vacant Holiday music niche.  These albums almost always get 'Shelved':  I hold on to them - for the time being - but they lose turntable time for the duration of the Season.)

5 - Meh   (This is the dime-a-dozen wasteland, where you find your Julie Andrews and your Percy Como's. Anything below this point is almost always put into my annual 'Donate to Goodwill' pile.)

4 - Borophyll  (There may be some redeeming qualities here that might make albums at this score appeal to some people, but definitely not to Yours Truly.)

3 - Seriously?  (Comically bad, if you will.)

2 - Reality TV  (There's only one thing shittier than Reality TV, gang. . . .)

1 - Ohio  (Do I really have to explain this?)

Good.  Now that everyone's been refreshed with how shit works around here, let's just go ahead and get started, shall we. . .

Album Title:  In the Christmas Spirit

Album Artist:  Booker T. and the MG's

I managed to snatch this up on Amazon for an unheard-of-in-2024 price of $14, pressed on clear vinyl to boot. This one had been on my radar for awhile, but, like I've said before, I have serious problems paying $20 - $25 for a single-record LP. 

And I know that's the going rate now, guys, calm down. Doesn't mean I have to be cool with it. Open up another pressing plant already, this shit's getting ridiculous.

Anyway, this Holiday album is exactly what I expected it to be. If you haven't heard of Booker T. & the MG's before, that's fine - I guarantee you've heard the instrumental, '60s classic 'Green Onions.' If that doesn't ring any bells, do me a favor real quick and just Google it.  I'll give you a sec.

. . .

Sound familiar now? Okay. Take that 'sound,' and now make it do Christmas stuff. 

That's what this album sounds like.

This is solid background music for cocktails or hosting a dinner party. It's a soft, almost quiet album that fades easily into the background, yet somehow retains a presence without being forgotten or drowned out. I credit this feat with the simple fact that this Holiday offering just seeps 'coolness,' calling back memories of the great '60s soul artists that the MG's used to support in the studio back in the day. 

Much of this 'coolness' vibe comes courtesy of the Hammond B-3 Organ so often affiliated with Booker T. Jones' personal sound. 

If you have a problem with Hammond organs, you should probably steer clear of this one. Because there's a LOT of B-3 to be found here.

This album is a slow burn, guys. You're not going to get smacked in the face with a hook that just floors you, right out of the gate. You're not going to drop the needle down on this record and sit up and take notice. There aren't really any stand-alone tracks worthy of mention here, either - they all kinda sound the same, and bleed together with the same level of intensity, tempo, and volume. But, despite me bringing up 'monotony' before in previous posts as a telltale sign of a shitty Christmas album, this is definitely not the case here.

Booker T. & the MG's want to be a soft, cool presence in the background. They're a backing band, after all. If they wanted to write a Christmas classic that would get repeated airtime on the radio every Holiday season, they would've done it already. They simply chose not to.

If you had a super cool, elderly black uncle that dropped in and out of your life from time to time, and whenever he did so he'd like offer you a joint and drop some bit of soft-spoken, but profound, life knowledge on your ass, this would be it. 

Just, you know, in Christmas album form.

VERDICT:  7/10 - Pretty Rad (A slow burn, to be sure, but nevertheless it's one of the coolest, low-key records you'll spin this Holiday Season.)

- REMAINS IN CIRCULATION -

- Brian