Ep. LV: 'A Partridge Family Christmas Carol' - The Partridge Family

I can't believe I'm about to do this. . .

Album Title:  A Partridge Family Christmas Carol

Album Artist:  The Partridge Family

Many times in the course of our lives, we willingly put ourselves in harm's way in order to brave the unknown.  Something calls to us, pulls us, forcing us to ignore the risks.  Call it curiosity, foolhardiness, or simple stupidity, whatever - most of us have met with dire consequences upon muttering the phrase, "screw it, let's see what happens."  

So goes this record offering I have for you today.

I regret spending a $1 on this piece of shit.  It looked hokey, and I knew what I was getting into upon purchasing it, but I thought to myself, "Well, maybe it'll be so bad that it'll be kinda funny. . ."  God knows that's happened a time or two-dozen on this here blog of ours before.

Nope.  Not this time.

This album is so overly-produced and stripped of all things remotely human that it feels plastic.  There's nothing funny about it, it's just awful.  The Partridge Family did to credible music what Rian Johnson did to Star Wars:  they polished it to a lifeless gloss, removed all of its edge and controversy, and presented the world with a smiley-faced, pastel-colored turd that was as fake as the president's hair.

This Holiday release is in the same vein as most of their other music (though, to be honest, I've never been brave enough to listen to any of their other bullshit 'music.')  The Partridge Family is in the same studio-spawned crowd as the Monkees, and sound similar (I'd also throw in Three Dog Night, even though they weren't created by a studio, they sound about the same.)  '60s/'70s Bubblegum Rock.  So happy and safe it might as well be a manufactured by f***ing Fisher Price.

So that's who the Partridge Family is.  They're not even a real family, they're an assortment of actors who had enough boxes checked off on some random's studio exec's checklist to make the cut.  Visual appeal?  Check.  Can carry a tune?  Check.  Eating disorder?  Check.

Only two members of this 'family' even bothered showing up for this snooze-fest of a Christmas album:  Shirley Jones and David Cassidy.  A few of the random siblings/future child-star-turned-coke-heads managed to show up for a cover photo-op, but they don't get to do any singing or instrument-playing this time around.

Lucky them.

The fact that this album was even made is a crime against music.

VERDICT:  3/10 - Seriously? (A cheesy, G-rated offering from TV's shittiest musical family.)

- SHELVED -