Ep. IX: 'Songs for the Christmas Season' - Various Artists/ 'A Christmas to Remeber, Vol. 2' - Various Artists

 Here's a double-header for your Monday, Internet.

Album Title:  Songs for the Christmas Season

Album Artist:  Various Artists

Property of Indiana Jones

So both of these bad-boys in today's installments happen to be from my step-mom's dad, Bob Jones.  Somewhere along the line, he must have given these to me, or else I stole them from a pile of vinyl he was in the process of garage saling (probably the latter.)  I know this, of course, due to the black marker-enscribed 'JONES' emblazoned across the front of both album covers.  Just like Granny's labeling, only sans calligraphy.

Must be a generational thing.  Who knows.

The Not-So-Magnificent Seven

This album is weird.  Seriously.  The vocals on some of these tracks are so much louder than the music that it almost sounds like a karaoke record, which doesn't really make much sense at all.

The one saving grace on this whole album is Guy Lombardo (whose version of 'Auld Lang Syne' may be my all-time favorite version of the standard.)  Sadly, that track isn't on this record, but the track he does supply - ' Santa Claus is Coming to Town' - still features his trademark ballsy horn section.

Unfortunately, no sooner does Mr. Lombardo leave the stage then Tennessee Ernie Ford comes stumbling in to the spotlight like some drunken uncle at a little kid's birthday party, belching 'It Came Upon a Midnight Clear.'  It sounds more like a cartoon villain crooning than a professional caroler, which, to be honest, is almost so bad it's good.

But not quite.

VERDICT:  3/10 - Seriously? (Weird audio quality - and a probably-drunk Tennessee Ernie Ford - distracts from an already lukewarm holiday album.) 

- SHELVED -

Album Title:  A Christmas to Remember, Vol. 2

Album Artist:  Various Artists

"So what happened to Volume 1, Brian?" you might be asking yourself right about now, "Do you own Volume 1?"

No.  No I do not.  And I don't plan on scouring Ebay for it.  I'll do that for the Muppet Show ('cause I do own Volume 2 of that treasure, and there's Volume 1 to obtain still - it's an awesome album), but not for this Christmas compilation.

Hey, you guys see Monuments Men?

As you can imagine - if anything, based solely on the dated, cheesy album cover - this album is pretty hokey.  And not hokey in a good way, either.  To be honest, I think the cover art clearly represents what you're getting here:  a Clooney-esque grandfather figure strolling up to your house while you're trying to make a snowman with your kid, and your kid quickly abandons good ol' fashioned family fun the second they see George Clooney walking up to your house with a bunch of material items.

In music form.

"Look Ma - George Clooney!"

Actually, there's one track on here that isn't bad: 'Do You Hear What I Hear?'  Not the greatest version of this song I've ever heard, but it does have one thing going for it:  it's the same version the main character's mom plays in Gremlins while she's baking in her kitchen.  And then the gremlin attacks her.  And she manages to fight it off her, shove it into the microwave, and nuke the sum'bitch.

So, all in all, the album's not a complete waste.  Creepy George Clooney and a Gremlins track.

Merry Christmas to me.

VERDICT:  4/10 - Borophyll (I still wanna see Monuments Men.)

- SHELVED -

- Brian